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This week's poll is based upon the book, "Andy Roddick Beat Me With a Frying Pan," which was released this week. Some of you may recall that I wrote about one chapter of this book several months ago. You do not have to re-read that story to answer this poll -- I'll summarize it here: The book answers idiot, hypothetical, unanswerable sports questions once and for all, by actually staging the events.


This poll is unusual, as you will see, in that there ARE inarguably correct answers, as opposed to answers I claim are correct, but only with dubious authority. Here, there are absolutely right answers, which I will reveal during the chat.


1. A major-league batting champion, Freddy Sanchez of the Pittsburgh Pirates, bats six simulated innings against a succession of champion Wiffle-ball pitchers. The rules are Wiffle-ball rules, with the pitcher standing 45 feet away instead of the 60 feet, six inches of Major League Baseball. A Wiffle bat is used. How does Freddy do?

 
He kills the ball. They basically cannot get him out.
 
He bats about .333, his major league best.
 
He is a whiffing machine, striking out on almost every at bat.
 
I don't know and I don't care.
 
 
2. An ordinary guy -- pretty good athlete but mediocre swimmer -- swims 50 yards against three-time Olympic gold medalist Josh Davis. The handicap is that the ordinary Joe swims freestyle, whereas Josh has to do the dog paddle: He cannot lift his arms or legs above the water. What happens?
 
Josh kills the ordinary Joe.
 
It's close, but Josh wins.
 
It's close, but Joe wins.
 
Ordinary Joe kills Josh.
 
I don't know and I don't care.
 
 
3. An ordinary, reasonably athletic middle-aged guy races 100 meters against Maurice Greene, one of the fastest Olympic sprinters in the world. The ordinary guy gets a 31-meter head start AND gets to run the final half of his race on an airport moving-sidewalk that boosts his speed. They race twice. Who wins?
 
The ordinary guy wins both races, handily.
 
The ordinary guy wins the first race by a nose; when they race again, Greene smokes him.
 
Greene wins both races handily.
 
I don't know and I don't care.
 
 
4. Pro bowler Pete Weber plays Ordinary Joe at Skee-ball. They play several games. What happens?
 
Pete destroys Ordinary Joe, game after game.
 
Pete slightly defeats Ordinary Joe, but it could be just dumb luck.
 
Ordinary Joe slightly defeats Pete, but it could be just dumb luck.
 
Ordinary Joe destroys Pete, game after game.
 
I don't know and I don't care.
 
 
5. A team of midgets is assembled to bat against a former major league pitcher known for his pinpoint control (Dana Kiecker of the Red Sox, retired but still in shape and playing baseball) . The midgets -- ranging in height from 3 foot 4 inches, to 4 foot 4 inches -- just stand there with bats on their shoulders, so they either strike out or walk. Extrapolated into a major-league game, how would this all-midget team do as an offensive weapon?
 
They'd score 20 runs a game or more.
 
They'd score 4-5 runs a game, similar to average scores in baseball.
 
They'd almost never score a run.
 
I don't know and I don't care.
 
 
6. PGA tour veteran Rocco Mediate plays an Ordinary Joe in 18 holes of miniature golf. Neither golfer knows the course beforehand. What happens?
 
Mediate kills Joe.
 
Mediate beats Joe by a stroke.
 
Joe beats Mediate by a stroke.
 
Joe kills Mediate.
 
I don't know and I don't care.
 
 
7. Can a basketball player really "make change off the top of the backboard"? In other words, can a tall, high-leaping pro touch the top of the backboard? To test this, 6-foot-7 Olympic high jumper James White tried to do it, on the reasonable theory that if he couldn't, no one could. (In competition, White has brought his entire body over a seven-foot-four bar.) What happened here?
 
White touched the top of the backboard repeatedly.
 
He kept coming thisclose but no cigar.
 
In several jumps, he was never closer than two or three inches from the top of the backboard.
 
I don't know and I don't care.
 
 
8. Ordinary Joe plays a five-game set of 8-ball with Ismael Paez, a champion billiards player. The handicap is that Paez can only use one hand. What happens?
 
Paez smokes Joe, 5-0.
 
Paez wins, 3-2.
 
Joe wins, 3-2.
 
Joe smokes Paez, 5-0.
 
I don't know and I don't care.
 
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