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DOOR 2: WOMEN ONLY
 
 
This just in:

La, ME: Hello, these "call" columns are increasingly pathetic and, more importantly, extremely unfunny. I used to deal with them periodically like my wife's menstrual period. I know my feelings will alienate your important 14-year old crowd.

Why don't you have a poll about how tired we are of these "call" columns?


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Okay! What the hell!

The writer is referring to the columns I do, such as Sunday's, in which I phone customer service agents and interrogate them about their products. I've been doing them roughly every four months, for many years.

What do think of them?
 
I don't like them, at least not anymore. You should stop.
 
I like them, but you do them a little too often.
 
I like them. You should continue at the current pace.
 
 
 
And while we're at it, what do you think of the male-female columns I used to do every few months with Gina Barreca? (I do them less frequently now.)
 
I don't like them. You should stop altogether.
 
They are fine, but only rarely.
 
I like them. You should start doing them more often, again.
 
 
 
Okay, how about columns in which I answer "What If?" hypotheticals posed by my editor. I do these about twice a year.
 
I don't like them. You should stop.
 
I like them.
 
I like them a lot. You should do them more often.
 
 
 
What sorts of columns do you think I should write more often? Choose the best answer.
 
Columns where you go places and do stuff.
 
Columns reacting to world/national events or politics.
 
Completely off the wall columns, bordering on silliness and/or vulgarity.
 
I think you currently have a pretty good mix of columns.
 
I think you should stop writing columns; you're not very good.
 
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