Poll-ish Humor, Sept. 16: MEN | QuestionPro Survey

DOOR 1: MEN

This first question was suggested by a chatter. After initially deriding it, we spent waaay too much time thinking about it, performing process-of-elimination winnowing, etc., so ultimately concluded it is a good question.

Which is the best non-sexual physical feeling?

Relieving oneself of a well-needed no. 1.

Relieving oneself of a well-needed no. 2.

Scratching a hard-to-reach itch.

Eating something good when really hungry.

A long, scratchy, deep-scalp massage.

Being held lovingly as you fall asleep.

Removal of shoes after a long period of walking.

The feel of cold AC after coming in from serious heat.

Drinking cold water when parched.

You have a potentially serious medical condition requiring immediate attention by a gastroenterologist; there are several available but all you have to distinguish between them are their names. You MUST choose one. And we're asking you to be honest.

Which one?

Martha Hendrickson, M.D.

Ibrahim Gupta, M.D.

Stanley Rosenstein, M.D.

Lillian Wong, M.D.

Sebastian S. Bradisher, M.D.

Andre L. Jackson, M.D.

William Hsu, M.D.

You are trying to decide which movie to see. You know nothing about any of them. If you could learn ONLY ONE FACT about each movie to help you decide which to go to, what would it be? (Remember, you will learn only this one fact.)

The name of each movie.

The genre of each movie, e.g., action-adventure, romance, comedy, etc.

The name of each director.

The name of the biggest star in each movie.

One three-word reviewer's quote from a print ad for each movie.

An online poll has only three questions on it, and they seem random and disconnected. How do you feel about this?

So long as the questions are interesting, I am okay with there being only three and their seeming to have little relation to each other.

Only three is okay, but it would be better if they had a coherent theme.

I would want a fourth question, even if it wasn't good, because it would give more substance to the poll.

This week's survey brought to you by the phantom sensations of question no. 5.