100%

Take this version of the poll if you are a man.   Which five of the 17 situations below would disappoint you most about me? Choose only five. (This may be the only poll where my answers are irrelevant.)   If I were busted propositioning a man in a men's room.   If I were busted with a pound of marijuana.   If I were busted propositioning a decoy female prostitute.   If I were charged with $15,000 tax evasion.   If it were revealed that I secretly wrote in my own questions to this chat, to provoke interesting discussions, five or 10 questions a week.   If I were convincingly accused of plagiarism.   If I were convincingly accused of having gotten a hot young woman friend of mine to sleep with The Great Zucchini in exchange for his letting me write the story about him.   If I were convincingly accused of making up a person to create a perfect quote in a story.   If I were convincingly accused of accepting a $2,000 bribe to write a completely true but flatteringly slanted story about someone.   If I had never really used narcotics or been to Woodstock, but created that history to make myself more interesting.   If I chose Eric Shansby to illustrate my column because he and I were romantically involved. (He was not yet 19 when he first began to work with me.)   If Liz and I really despise each other, but pretend to be all flirty and affectionate to make the chats more jaunty and positive.   If it were revealed that I liked to attend illegal pit bull fights.   If private e-mails I had written indicated that I had angrily and seriously referred to someone using the n-word.   If private e-mails I had written showed I had seriously argued that women are temperamentally unsuited for high management jobs.   If private e-mails I had written had been deeply contemptuous of, and belittling to, my wife.   If it were discovered to have downloaded child porn onto my computer.

This week's poll brought to you by righteous indignation!