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Perhaps you think you could be The Empress Of The Style Invitational. Perhaps you think her job is easy, or that you could do it better. Perhaps you are an idiot.


Below are 21 entries from the contest Her Exalted Majesty is currently judging. These are not all of the finalists, they're just a sampling of some of the good ones. Some of these entries may wind up getting into the newspaper, some may not.


It is the Empress's job to distinguish the clever from the almost-clever, the hilarious from the merely funny, the wheat from the chaff. There is no one better at it.


The challenge of the contest was to take any word, remove its first letter, and redefine the result. You were allowed to insert spaces or punctuation, but not to alter the order of the letters.


Make your judgments below. In a special guest appearance, The Empress will join us midway through the chat to explain her choices. No subsequent whining will be tolerated: Like the pope, The Empress is infallible by virtue of her position.


Which are the three funniest? (Choose no more than three)

 
Nowplow: An entirely fictitious device for residents of the District of Columbia.
 
Oxtrot - A particularly ungraceful "Dancing with the Stars" performance.
 
Riminal: A man who fails to clean up what he has dribbled onto the toilet.
 
Endacious: Possessing a posterior that is substantial, yet attractive.
 
Er-biage: Extraneous vocalizations that newspapers typically edit out of quotations. Um, without the, ah, removal of, y'know, extra er-biage, some otherwise, mmm, intelligent public figures would seem totally, uh, illiterate.
 
Riskies: A brand of pet food made in China.
 
Iarrhea: Running on about oneself.
 
Ran D Old Party: A group of politicians known sometimes for filibusters but more for stalling.
 
Assover: Any holiday dinner at which an unwanted in-law makes an appearance.
 
Unich: German city voted World's Safest Town for Women.
 
HR-ifty: When a company's human resources people nickel-and-dime you during salary negotiations. "My company is so HR-ifty that the toilet paper I use is monitored, and the cost deducted from my paycheck."
 
XY-moron: Someone who is useless at math.
 
Harmacist: Professional whose credo is "first, what's in it for me?"
 
Restidigitation - Course of treatment prescribed for BlackBerry addicts.
 
Inneapolis: Political incumbents, collectively. After the Abramoff indictment, both K Street and Inneapolis suddenly said "Jack who?"
 
Ouch-and-go -- A dominatrix's house call.
 
Heocracy -- What the U.S. executive branch may no longer be after Jan. 20, 2009.
 
Idwife -- Every guy's dream.
 
Ickpocket – A place to put your used Kleenex.
 
Mnesia: Forgetting a mnemonic device.
 
Amished: Hungering for a simpler way of life.

 
 

Which are the three least funny? (Choose no more than three)
 
Nowplow: An entirely fictitious device for residents of the District of Columbia.
 
Oxtrot - A particularly ungraceful "Dancing with the Stars" performance.
 
Riminal: A man who fails to clean up what he has dribbled onto the toilet.
 
Endacious: Possessing a posterior that is substantial, yet attractive.
 
Er-biage: Extraneous vocalizations that newspapers typically edit out of quotations. Um, without the, ah, removal of, y'know, extra er-biage, some otherwise, mmm, intelligent public figures would seem totally, uh, illiterate.
 
Riskies: A brand of pet food made in China.
 
Iarrhea: Running on about oneself.
 
Ran D Old Party: A group of politicians known sometimes for filibusters but more for stalling.
 
Assover: Any holiday dinner at which an unwanted in-law makes an appearance.
 
Unich: German city voted World's Safest Town for Women.
 
HR-ifty: When a company's human resources people nickel-and-dime you during salary negotiations. "My company is so HR-ifty that the toilet paper I use is monitored, and the cost deducted from my paycheck."
 
XY-moron: Someone who is useless at math.
 
Harmacist: Professional whose credo is "first, what's in it for me?"
 
Restidigitation - Course of treatment prescribed for BlackBerry addicts.
 
Inneapolis: Political incumbents, collectively. After the Abramoff indictment, both K Street and Inneapolis suddenly said "Jack who?"
 
Ouch-and-go -- A dominatrix's house call.
 
Heocracy -- What the U.S. executive branch may no longer be after Jan. 20, 2009.
 
Idwife -- Every guy's dream.
 
Ickpocket – A place to put your used Kleenex.
 
Mnesia: Forgetting a mnemonic device.
 
Amished: Hungering for a simpler way of life.

 
 

Recognizing that there is sometimes a difference between "clever" and "funny," which one is the cleverest? (Choose only one.)
 
Nowplow: An entirely fictitious device for residents of the District of Columbia.
 
Oxtrot - A particularly ungraceful "Dancing with the Stars" performance.
 
Riminal: A man who fails to clean up what he has dribbled onto the toilet.
 
Endacious: Possessing a posterior that is substantial, yet attractive.
 
Er-biage: Extraneous vocalizations that newspapers typically edit out of quotations. Um, without the, ah, removal of, y'know, extra er-biage, some otherwise, mmm, intelligent public figures would seem totally, uh, illiterate.
 
Riskies: A brand of pet food made in China.
 
Iarrhea: Running on about oneself.
 
Ran D Old Party: A group of politicians known sometimes for filibusters but more for stalling.
 
Assover: Any holiday dinner at which an unwanted in-law makes an appearance.
 
Unich: German city voted World's Safest Town for Women.
 
HR-ifty: When a company's human resources people nickel-and-dime you during salary negotiations. "My company is so HR-ifty that the toilet paper I use is monitored, and the cost deducted from my paycheck."
 
XY-moron: Someone who is useless at math.
 
Harmacist: Professional whose credo is "first, what's in it for me?"
 
Restidigitation - Course of treatment prescribed for BlackBerry addicts.
 
Inneapolis: Political incumbents, collectively. After the Abramoff indictment, both K Street and Inneapolis suddenly said "Jack who?"
 
Ouch-and-go -- A dominatrix's house call.
 
Heocracy -- What the U.S. executive branch may no longer be after Jan. 20, 2009.
 
Idwife -- Every guy's dream.
 
Ickpocket – A place to put your used Kleenex.
 
Mnesia: Forgetting a mnemonic device.
 
Amished: Hungering for a simpler way of life.
 
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