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DOOR 1: WOMEN
 

Below are fifteen "guy walks into bar" jokes. You will be asked to assess them. In doing your assessments, ignore the issue of familiarity -- assume this is the first time any of these jokes has been told.


(As always with matters of humor, there are scientifically correct answers here, and you will be duly informed of your tragic errors during the chat.)


1. A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."


2. An amnesiac walks into a bar, sits down next to an attractive young woman, and says, "Do I come here often?"


3. A pair of battery jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, "You can come in here, but you better not start anything!"


4. A brain goes into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer, please." The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're out of your head."


5. René Descartes is in a bar at closing time. The bartender asks him if he'd like another drink. Descartes says, "I think not," and he disappears.


6. A bear walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and, and…. And …. a packet of peanuts." The bartender says, "why the big pause?"


7. A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"


8. A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."


9. A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?" The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog bites his hand. The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. That's not my dog."


10. A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?" The skeleton says, "Give me a beer, and a mop."


11. A man goes into a bar, looks around nervously, and says, "Give me a drink before the trouble starts." And the bartender pours him a drink. He drinks it and says, "Give me another drink before the trouble starts." He downs that one and says "give me another drink before the trouble starts." Finally, the bartender asks, "Just when is this trouble going to start?" The man says, "When I tell you that I don't have any money."


12. This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper. And so are his shirt, vest, chaps, pants, and boots. His spurs are also made of paper. Pretty soon, the sheriff arrives and arrests him for rustling.


13. A man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a voice say, "Nice tie." Looking around, he saw that the bar was empty except for him and the bartender. A few sips later, another voice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man calls the bartender over. "Say, I must be losing my mind," he tells him. "I keep hearing these voices say nice things, and there is not a soul in here but us." "It's the peanuts," explains the bartender, indicating a dish on the bar. "The peanuts?" "That's right, the peanuts -- they're complementary."


14. A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He says, "A beer for me and one for my giraffe." And they stand around drinking for hours until the giraffe passes out on the floor. The man pays the tab and gets up to leave. The bartender says, "Hey! You're not going to leave that lyin' on the floor, are you?" The man says, "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."


15. A guy walks into a bar with a German shepherd dog. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, can't you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt out of here!" The man replies, "No, I can't read the sign -- I'm blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog." The bartender is embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house. Later that day, the man tells his friend about it: "I told him I was blind, and I got a free beer!" The friend then takes his dog into the bar and sits down. The bartender says, "The sign says no dogs allowed! You'll have to leave!" The friend says, "Sorry, I can't see the sign because I'm blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog." The bartender replies, "Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as Seeing Eye dogs?" The man says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"


On the next page you will be asked to rate the three best and three worst jokes. Please write down the numbers of your answers before clicking "Continue" below.

 
This week's survey brought to you by the spirit of Henny Youngman.
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